Raising Your Child To Be The Best – by Ntombenhle Khathwane

Can Africa raise a generation of super hero kids who become the best at what they do?  I believe we can!  I am on my back to South Africa after spending 4 weeks in Germany on a trip sponsored by the German government to assist South African and German entrepreneurs form linkages.  The trip has been successful for me and soon my proucts will be heading to Germany after dealing with a few expensive and time-costing administration, regulatory and administrative issues relating to selling cosmetics in the Germany and the European Union.  My time in Germnay has me reflecting on a few issues including how and what my business can be best at? Germans companies focus on being the best at one or two things, not the biggest and moving the most products, but the best…this had me thinking “what does it take to be the best at something?”

I had my first baby when I was 16 years old in 1994.  I had never held a baby before I held my baby, let alone change diapers or bathe a baby.  I have never given thoughts to having a baby period, and yet there I was with a baby at 16 years of age.

Having a baby is a turning point in any woman’s life, it sure was for me.  I was still a child.  I was cruising through school, I enjoyed learning, I was curious and smart, but after having baby I found direction and intention with my studying.  I was one of those lucky teen moms whose mom supported me and baby.  She did as little as she could for baby and I, just enough for us to be fine but not comfortable.  She was of the opinion that I was an adult now and needed to figure out how to take care of my baby.  I was always grateful that she never kicked me out and paid for my return to school, I was determined to give my child the best, better than I had, and I did a pretty good job, or so I thought…

Fast-forward to 2011 and my baby daughter is in Grade 12.  Throughout high school she did good at school except at math, she was horrible at maths.  From starting Grade 8 I paid for her to be tutored in maths and she just never passed it.  When it came to grade 10 where she had to choose which maths stream she should do, she chose the maths stream that would get her into university and not maths literacy, which she at least had a chance at passing.

She wanted to go to university like I had and she wanted to study business studies so she would have a better chance at employment, she said.  I don’t remember protesting her choice, I am sure I wanted her to pass maths, I didn’t understand why she found it so hard.  And so she did normal maths and I paid thousands of Rands for tutoring and she still failed it in Grade 12.  She was so adamant she wanted to do a BCom and so she did Grade 12 again and took maths again and failed maths and passed her other subjects well, getting distinctions at some.  She was devastated.  I was devastated for her.  And this is when I finally grew up and became the parent she needed.

I watched a YouTube clip of a guy I can’t recall now, and he was saying that parents should stop pushing their kids to do well at what society has determined are the subjects they should do well at such as maths and the sciences.  He was saying we should support our kids on the subjects they are naturally good at.  I broke into tears and I apologized to my daughter that had I known better I would have pushed her to focus on what she is good.

How does this relate to my reflections on how and why German companies focus on being the best?  I now believe that understanding and honing what you can be the best at starts from how you are raised as a baby and child. I now have a 3 year old and 6 year old and from very young they displayed their likings.  Comparing them it is easy to see how different they are, very different, and so they definitely will not be the best at the same kind of thing.

During one of the theoretical teaching sessions we had in Germany a lecturer had us thinking about the education system and the values that inform education. During a class discussion with 19 other highly successful and intelligent South African entrepreneurs I defended the view held by the likes of Muhammad Yunus that every person can be an entrepreneur because every single person is born with a unique combination of gifts and talents.  These gifts and talents get schooled out of most of us.  These gifts and talents are what we were born to be best at and some of us never come closing to discovering these talents.  Muhammad Yunus is the founder of Grameen Bank in Bangladesh and gained fame through a establishing a bank that offers microloans to help millions of people start businesses and escape poverty.  He believes in human potential.

As my 6 year old starts grade 1 in 2020 I knew I had to choose a school that would nurture his gifts and preferences instead of focusing him on a curriculum.  Off there are times I force him to do what he would rather not do or what he thinks he doesn’t like to teach him resilience and the value of practising, but that is another topic for another day.

If South Africa and Africa in general is going to emerge with an equitable and competitive economy, we need to raise our children differently and also school them differently.  School and honour their unique gifts and talents and they will be innovative and productive, innovation will come easier when one is focusing on what they are naturally good at and what they enjoy enquiring on.  Giving our children the best is helping them sharpen and hone what they are naturally best at, and if you watch your child at birth and follow their lead, you will easily identify what they like and are naturally good at, that is what they can be best at in future.