Raising Super Heroes

If you’re a mom you will probably know exactly what I am talking about. If not, well keep reading for future or for empathy’s sake. Immediately after I gave birth to my daughter (December 2018) I thought “at last, no more mood swings, backaches, bad skin and everything else”, who was I kidding? The fourth trimester came with its own share of difficulties.  As grateful and excited as I was for this precious healthy baby, I couldn’t quite get over all the other feelings. Yes I had support, in fact everything and everybody I needed was a shout away but here’s the thing: if everything inside you is in turmoil or (for use of a kinder word) uncertain, nobody and nothing around you can make up for that.

As you know, our country is currently in lockdown, we are well aware of the impact Covid-19 will have on our economy, businesses, etc. but what does it mean for our emotional and relational well-being. To just give a quick breakdown, for the first time ever most families will be forced to spend 21 days of uninterrupted time together, some married couples will get to know each other, working parents will get to play teacher and parent all in one. Time-out will not be a drive to the shop, or a walk to cool off, it will hopefully be in the garden or the next room. Naturally we are all going to be tested, but I truly believe the outcome might work out for our good. We are going to learn to be human again, learn how to communicate effectively, for some of us, go back to picking up a mop and putting all that laziness behind us. We are going to enjoy home-made meals, perhaps pick up a book, meditate, teach our children manners, and even discover gifts that have died behind ‘I’m too busy I don’t have time!’ excuses. Don’t get it twisted; this is not some magic spell that will just happen, it’s going to take some effort!

Getting back to my 4th trimester story, I was angry at everybody, I felt extremely ugly, fat, out of touch, cried a lot and just very discontent. I can almost say I hit emotional rock- bottom obviously, the gram didn’t get to see that because we are masters of the external. As cliche, as it sounds sometimes rock bottom, is the best place to be as you can only go up from there. I eventually got to a place where I could slowly start to pick up the pieces of me because ultimately the only way I could raise a healthy and joyful baby was if I was experiencing health and joy first.

I started taking walks, picked up reading again, got back to journaling all my feelings, allowed myself to be by myself and not feel guilty. I got back into dreaming for my business again and in turn, all that self-nurturing naturally poured out into being a better wife, mother, and employer.  I hope you’re starting to get where I’m going with this, a healthy environment for the next 21 days and hopefully forever will not be dependent on whether your husband does his chores, or the kids behave as expected. It will have to start with you! What’s happening on the inside? It is time we first engage in emotional decluttering, work on being and feeling healthy then I think we’re more likely to enjoy the lockdown. Working on me certainly worked and did wonders for our family.

For those of us raising superheroes we know that kids are not interested in what you say, but it is what you do that they definitely reciprocate. A few weeks back we got a dog, and named it Lyla. Now Lyla is a baby and needs a whole lot of training and patience. Every now and then I lose my temper with Lyla when she poops on my carpet instead of her designated area. A few days ago I heard Nuri shout at Lyla in the tone, body posture and manner in which I did. Yes! My 16 month old sweet girl shouted at our dog. I got to check myself. On a more positive note, she’s seen me cuddle on the couch with a good book, she used to jump all over me and go wild, but now she fetches a book from the book shelf and reads hers too.

Experts believe it takes 21 days to build a new habit; well we’re in luck because we have 21 uninterrupted days to build new habits and even a new lifestyle for ourselves and our families.I know you’ve probably been thinking now is the best time to sleep in and wake up at 10am, it’s not! Doing that is probably the best way to slip into mood swings and health problems. Get up at 6am, okay maybe 7am, clean the house, take a shower, look decent in your leggings or whatever feels comfortable for you and make some breakfast. Schedule reading time, exercise time (YouTube is your friend), playtime, meditation time, stand outside for sunshine and fresh air, play a game, and work on that vision board; but the most important thing a healthy mind needs is structure.

“The 5am Club” by Robin Sharma played a role in getting me to my best self. Reading it was amazing, putting in the work was hard but you know what I did it and the results have been magic since. It was indeed ‘…hard at first, messy in the middle and gorgeous at the end’. Physically, relationally, emotionally and yes even financially. My favorite quote by him that I live by is; “Small daily improvements over time lead to stunning results”.

I’m not saying everyday will be perfect, or that your family will cooperate; I’m not even saying you will get it right every day, but make sure you do something each day that will contribute to a healthy mind and a healthy environment. How we behave in the next few weeks will have an effect on our work, family, self-perception and especially on our children.

What I know for sure is that a healthy and whole being can’t be moved by external circumstances, it can only rise and be better.