How to Initiate and Maintain This Crucial Dialogue

Parents are the first window to the world for their children. What children see you do is as important as what they hear you say.  Discussing racism with your child is challenging, and some parents are hesitant to introduce their children to topics like racism and discrimination at a young age. Others may avoid the subject because they feel uncertain or uncomfortable discussing it, rightfully, no parent wants to sully their child’s innocence.  However, for those who have personally faced racism, avoiding the topic is not an option.

Conversations about racism and discrimination vary from family to family. Although there is no universal method, research shows that starting the conversation early is beneficial.  This increases the chances of raising children who stand against discrimination, and are less affected when racism is directed at them. Starting the conversation early also increases the chances of raising children who will not be the discriminators, or perpetrators of racism and harmful biases.

Babies start noticing physical differences, such as skin colour, as early as six months old. By the age of five, studies have shown that children can exhibit racial bias, such as favouring people from one racial group over another. Ignoring or avoiding discussions about racism does not protect children; rather, it leaves them vulnerable to the biases present in society. Children who encounter racism may struggle to understand why they are treated differently, impacting their long-term development and well-being.

Silence is not an option, because it will come up eventually, and often sooner than we are ready as parents.  

How to Discuss Racism with Your Child

Children’s understanding of the world evolves as they grow, but it’s never too early to talk to them about equality and racism. Here are some age-appropriate ways to start the conversation and explain that racism is always wrong:

Under 5 Years

At this age, children usually begin to notice and comment on differences in people around them. As a parent, you can start shaping their worldview. Use language that’s suitable for their age and easy to understand.

         1.       Acknowledge and Celebrate Differences – When your child asks about someone’s skin colour, use it as a chance to acknowledge that people look different and highlight the similarities we share. You might say, “We are all human, but we each have our own unique qualities. Isn’t that amazing!”

         2.       Encourage Openness – Let your child know that you welcome their questions and encourage them to come to you with their curiosities. If your child points out differences in people, avoid silencing them; doing so may suggest the topic is taboo.
         3.       Promote Fairness – Young children, particularly those around five, understand the concept of fairness. Discuss racism as something unfair and unacceptable, emphasizing the importance of working together to improve it.

It’s okay not to have all the answers.

6–12 Years

Children in this age range are better at expressing their emotions and eager for answers. They are also exposed to more information, which they may struggle to process. Start by learning what they know.

         1.       Show Curiosity – Begin by listening and asking questions. For example, inquire about what they’re hearing at school, on television, or through social media.

         2.       Analyse Media Together – Social media and the internet might be your child’s primary sources of information. Show interest in what they are reading and discussing online. Find opportunities to explore examples of stereotypes and racial bias in the media, such as questioning why some people are portrayed as villains while others are not.
         3.       Foster Open Communication – Having honest discussions about racism, diversity, and inclusivity builds trust with your child, encouraging them to approach you with questions and concerns. Being seen as a reliable source of advice makes it more likely they will engage with you on this topic.

13+ Years

Teenagers can understand abstract concepts more clearly and express their opinions. They may be more informed than you think and have strong feelings on the topic. Try to understand what they know and keep the conversation ongoing.

         1.       Gauge Their Knowledge – Find out what your teenager knows about racism and discrimination. Ask about what they’ve heard in the news, at school, or from friends.

         2.       Ask Open-Ended Questions – Use current events as opportunities to discuss racism with your teen. Ask for their thoughts and introduce different perspectives to broaden their understanding.
         3.       Encourage Activism – Many teenagers are active on social media and may be interested in online activism. Encourage this as a constructive way to engage with and respond to racial issues.

Celebrate Diversity

Look for ways to introduce your child to diverse cultures and people from various racial and ethnic backgrounds. Positive interactions with different social groups early on can reduce prejudice and promote cross-group friendships.

Bring the world into your home by exploring foods from other cultures, reading stories, and watching films that reflect diverse perspectives. Be mindful of racial bias in books and movies, and seek out those that portray people from different racial and ethnic groups in varied roles. Consider stories featuring minority actors in complex or leading roles to challenge racial and discriminatory stereotypes.

If your child is in school, learn how racism is addressed in the curriculum and school policies. Join parent groups to share resources and concerns with teachers and school leadership.

Explore historical events like the end of apartheid in South Africa or the civil rights movement in the United States to better understand the present. These events serve as reminders of past struggles and highlight how far we’ve come and how much further we still need to go. Shared experiences can help your child become open to different perspectives.

There are no “others,” just other people.

Lead by Example

Parents are the first window to the world for their children. What children see you do is as important as what they hear you say.

Prejudice, like language, is learned over time. To help your child recognize and challenge racial bias, start by examining your own biases. Does your social circle or workplace reflect diversity and inclusion?

Take every opportunity to challenge racism, demonstrate kindness, and advocate for everyone’s right to dignity and respect.